based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
