my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
