one might say we're banned from that church
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
