his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize