and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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