We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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