I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
