so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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