You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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