next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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