She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
