Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
