he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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