ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
