dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
