i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
