Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just high enough for therapy.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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