I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
