i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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