I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
