im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
