her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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