Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
