Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
