Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
