I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
