Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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