I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
