Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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