I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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