Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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