The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
worst night to have a conscience
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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