3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
