Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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