non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
