Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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