Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
