We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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