Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
