If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
