i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
sex in a hospital.. check
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
