i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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