just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't turn off my feet"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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