my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
not ubering you a puppy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
