Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
