i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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