so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?