My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
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We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.