pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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