i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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