went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
