sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
