Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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