pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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