some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
