Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
