Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
