sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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