Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
