Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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