He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
