There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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