Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
