I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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