a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
