This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
